Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Life isn't ever quite like you expect.

At least mine hasn't been. My mom just passed away last month. I still at times don't feel like it's real. It was a sudden death, heart-attack. I think this one is going to take me some time. At least with this death unlike the death of my dad... I have the support and tools to grieve properly. I am better able to understand and analyze my emotions and feelings. I have a wonderful counselor/therapist who I visit with, I have a wonderful family, and a fabulous ward and bishop, all of which have helped me, and I'm sure will continue to do so. 
This is crazy. I can't believe I'm blogging about my mom! 
I am so very grateful for all I have learned and grown in this past month. I have felt the spirit so much more intensely than I ever have before. I thought I knew angels existed before... Now I really do know! I have been uplifted and guided. I have been led to the very people I needed to help me with the difficult and confusing things I now have to face... And I have been overwhelmed by all of the love and power/protection I have felt from prayers offered in my behalf. I would hear others bear testimony of that power, and how they feel it, and I always kinda scoffed at that... Thinking they were just saying what sounds good. Now I know better. I immediately after receiving a blessing after my mom's passing felt that protection, and out pouring of love and strength... I couldn't have made it through those first few days without it. God literally was answering prayers, and giving me additional strength. I felt it. I know sounds crazy to some... But it was one of the most powerful things I've ever felt. 
So, I thank you. I thank each and every person who prayed for me and my family. I thank you for your prayers on the behalf of so many others. We may not be in-tune, or as sensitive to that added strength or power, whatever it may be according to our needs... But that power is real! Very real! And I know that God hears! He answers! And He loves all of his children. 
So even in all of the hurt, sorrow, and pain... I am grateful for what I have felt, and what I have learned.... I am a better person because of it. 
I won't complain... In the end it will all be sorted... And It will all make sense. 
I am okay, and I will grieve as long as it takes... And you know what? That is just fine... It is okay to feel things! I will cry, I will laugh, I will get angry, and I won't feel bad for doing so.